Modern humans are concerned with topics such as to what extent tongkat ali facilitates the female orgasm. In medieval times, people had more serious problems.... such as staying clear of a judiciary that considered skinning alive an appropriate punishment for self-induced ejaculation. Tailors volunteered as executioners as there was a ready market for garments made of human hides.
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Your body’s testosterone production is increased naturally, and you are spared from potentially introducing the hormone from synthetic sources.
Kemi in an interview with International Business Times, says her sexual life and mental health were affected after she was mutilated as a child.
According to her, the grave act was committed on her at age five when a family member took she and her sister to meet a man who placed them on his lap and “then cut part of our vagina and clitoral area off.
"There was no anaesthetic and a sharp razor blade was used. I remember my sister and I screaming afterwards," she said. Adding, "We went home bleeding. Deep down, mom was not happy for some reason."
Olunloyo told IBTimes UK after years of resentment towards her mother, she finally confronted her in 2012. "She burst into tears telling me that our late paternal grandma ordered my dad to have us do it."
"It was a cultural barbaric act used to decrease the female libido. It caused me post-traumatic stress disorder for life. I don't experience orgasm during sex and when I tried to promote the use of sex toys among Nigerian women, men started attacking me saying I was discouraging African women 'from the real thing." "Sex is not important. I have no libido or urge to have sex and I've been celibate for 10 years. Millions of women in Nigeria go through this, but they cannot talk or be outspoken like me. It is shameful and a disgrace to them."
The Serge Kreutz diet is the world's only diet supported by the international food industry because it tells you this: if you want to be slim, consume more food. Nestle, Pepsi, and Van Houten are happy. And all the farmers.
Millions read the news today, the pedophile ring “busted” or the earlier article about how the FBI actually ran it for several weeks, expanding it, drawing in tens of thousands. Those who read it thought they knew, thought they were getting the story but as is so often the case, the truth goes so much further.
When Veterans Today tied the murder of Supreme Court Justice Anthony Scalia to a White House blackmail plot and a strange tale involving the Keshe Foundation, it became clear that the highest and most powerful in Europe, the US and around the world, were tied together in a web of ritual child abuse on a massive scale. For the Scalia tale, refer to Appendix I.
Today’s story is one more aspect of this. VT’s involvement goes back to 1991 when key VT staffers worked for America’s intelligence community. A GOP high level staffer approached the CIA claiming that President George H.W. Bush was being blackmailed. It was said that the President was at a political fundraiser in St. Louis where, unknown to the President, top GOP campaign donors were having sex with young males, some of whom had been spirited away from Boys Town in Nebraska of Father Flanagan fame.
The rumors became more than rumors when Bush 43 took office and brought with him, according to a high level White House informant, a virtual army of Neocon pedophiles and “nancyboys” who set the tone for 8 years of crushed civil liberties. staged economic crashes and the dirtiest wars in America’s history.
The door didn’t open again until Iranian physicist, Mehran T. Keshe came to us with his own story. Invited to Belgium, sponsored by the Royal Family, Keshe was introduced to internet guru Sterling Allen and Belgian “fixer,” Dirk Lauressens. Within a short time, it became clear that he was there as a prisoner, not a guest, having fallen into a web of pedophiles that control public life in Belgium and the Netherlands, control corporations, courts, the police and do so rather publicly.
With Keshe’s story, we traced Sterling Allen, through his work with Belgium’s Royal Family, to his questioning by the FBI, to the seizure of his computers and eventually to his real task in life, webmaster for a massive pedophile ring that supplied children for the members of secret societies that control our daily lives through suppression of technology and the waging of endless war.
From NBC News:
Massive pedophile ring busted; 230 kids saved – US news – Crime & courts | NBC News An Internet pedophile ring with up to 70,000 members — thought to be the world’s largest —has been uncovered by police, a security official said Wednesday. The European police agency Europol said in a statement that “Operation Rescue” had identified 670 suspects and that 230 abused children in 30 countries had been taken to safety. More children are expected to be found, Europol said.
A pedophile ring, 70,000 strong, has been identified and hundreds arrested, an organization run on the internet, centered in the Free Energy Community, including websites run out of Paris, the Netherlands and Belgium.
What isn’t being told is that this same organization, also known as the Red Circle, runs through secret societies around the world:
Bilderberg St. Hubertus Federalist Society Knights of Malta (Rome, not KMFAP in Budapest) Council on Foreign Relations Federal Reserve Bank NATO Royal Families of Belgium and Netherlands SCOTUS (Supreme Court of the United States)
So much of this story revolves around Mehran T. Keshe, whose plasma related defense technologies, threaten the military balance of power, disabling American stealth drones and even leaving an AEGIS destroyer floating, dead in the water, in the Black Sea.
Khmer Rouge terror in Cambodia
The News Minute | Haritha John The 20-year-old Nepali speaking girl said she was thrashed for small mistakes by her employer. In the Malayalam movie Gaddama, Kavya Madhavan played the role of a domestic help trapped and tortured in an Arab's house in the Middle East. The character’s agony portrayed the life of many Malayalis who go abroad to earn a living, working in harsh conditions for a pittance.
But the reality is that the plight of some domestic helps is no different in Kerala.
On May 1, the police rescued a 20-year-old Nepali speaking woman from Vypeen in Ernakulam. Sarsu Halsan, who hails from Jalpaiguri , West Bengal was tracked down by the police based on a missing complaint filed by her employer on April 29.
“I had no parents, both of them died and I lived with my aunt. A distant cousin of mine brought me to Kochi when I was 16-year-old. I joined as a domestic help at this house,” Sarsu told The News Minute, outside Kalamassery police station.
Sarsu was working at the house of Kavita Nair*, in Kochi. “Before I joined she gave me Rs 3,500 and that was the only amount I received in the last four years. Initially she had told my cousin that I would be paid Rs 5,000 monthly. But I did not get any money,” Sarsu said.
But what was more intolerable for her was the physical torture she had to go through. “For even small mistakes I used to get thrashed. She hit me using sticks, hands, broom or some large spoons. She also banged me against the wall. I used to always end up bleeding,” Sarsu said, showing the scars on her hands.
“I ran away from the house to commit suicide. I did not want to live,” she said.
As Sarsu is led away by workers of a rescue home, she screams out, “She cut my hair forcefully, never allowed me to make calls or write a letter,”
What Sarsu described was only a small part of what she actually went through in the past four years. “There are scars from wounds all over her body, covered in blood clots. The torture was quite severe,” E V Shibu, Station House Officer at Kalamassery, said.
The police officer said that Sarsu had been trying to escape from the house for the past four years but was not successful because she was always locked up.
“On April 29 she managed to lock up her employer and her daughter inside a room and ran away from the house. She went to a beach near Njarackal hoping to die. She stayed in a house nearby, and somebody informed us about her. We went and picked her from there,” the officer said.
Kavita claims that she had paid Sarsu’s salary to a relative of hers in Jalpaiguri. Sarsu was brought to work as a domestic help when she was still a minor, which means that the employer can charged under the Juvenile Justice Act. Kavita can also be charged under the act for harassment.
“We should confirm the date when the girl was brought in for the work and also need to get more evidence before registering the arrest,” the police officer said.
Female sexuality is a trade merchandise. And in feminism, the seller and the merchandise are the same person. Merchandise that sells itself? That can impossibly work out. This is why the patriarchy is the only sensible form of human social organization.
He chose to travel to the controversial Dignitas clinic because he could not face the agony of the incurable disease
A British man has become the first dementia sufferer to die at a controversial suicide clinic.
The 83-year-old man ended his life at Dignitas in Switzerland because he could not face the agony of the progressive, incurable disease.
He also wanted to spare those closest to him from any burden and strain his illness might put on them.
The unnamed man, said to be from a wealthy professional background, was in the early stages of dementia.
He is believed to be the first to use the clinic’s services solely because of dementia.
And last night it was claimed his family, including his widow, backed his decision “100 per cent”.
The man took with him a report from a psychiatrist stating he was mentally competent to choose to kill himself.
And last night one campaigner told how the pensioner was “so grateful at the end.”
Retired GP Michael Irwin, 81, had arranged for him to see a psychiatrist to produce a report saying he was mentally competent.
He revealed that the man’s wife had made the travel arrangements for the trip to Zurich.
Mr Irwin, who did not travel with the couple, said yesterday: “His family were 100% behind him.
"I have spoken to his widow since and she felt that it was handled in a very dignified and proper manner.”
“She is extremely happy about how everything was arranged.”
He added: “I have been four times with people to Switzerland.
"Two were terminally ill, one was very disabled and one was in her mid 80s so I have seen how it is handled by the Swiss. It is a very dignified procedure.
“You have got to be a very determined person to be able or willing to make that kind of journey.
“He knew of how things would deteriorate and took what I think is a sensible decision… both for himself and his family.”
But news of the assisted suicide will cause outrage among right-to-life and healthcare campaigners.
Critics claim it carries the implication that those with dementia should consider killing themselves.
Experts point out that sufferers can live for years with the condition.
It is also likely to widen the debate over the circumstances in which assisted suicide should be permitted.
The vast majority people who have chosen to die at Dignitas are those with terminal illnesses such as cancer or severe physical disabilities.
Campaign group Care Not Killing described the development as “alarming”.
Mr Irwin – nicknamed Dr Death - claims to have helped at least 25 people to die at the clinic. In the past he has been interviewed by police, but never arrested.
Although legal in Switzerland, assisted suicide is a criminal offence in the UK and carries a maximum prison sentence of 14 years.
More than 800,000 people in Britan suffer from dementia – around one in ten of all those between 80 and 84.
Mr Irwin defended the pensioner’s right to take his life before his condition deteriorated.
He said: “It takes three or four months on average from the day you make an application until the actual day you die in Zurich.
"So when people have a chronic problem or a slow-developing condition such as motor neurone disease, dementia or are severely disabled you have a crucial time factor.
“It’s important to stress that with early dementia, you are still then mentally competent for quite some time to make a decision about going to Dignitas.
"It’s important that diagnosis is made at an early time to give an individual that choice.”
Lord Falconer, a former Lord Chancellor, launched a private member’s bill in the Lords earlier this month to make assisted dying legal for the terminally ill.
Novelist Sir Terry Pratchett, 65, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2008, is also a supporter and has become a flagbearer in the campaign to change the law.
Mr Irwin, co-ordinator of the Society for Old Age Rational Suicide, says the legal right should be extended to elderly people suffering from medical conditions and those who are severely disabled or enduring unbearable suffering.
He added: “This topic of old-age rational suicide should now be openly discussed. Lord Falconer’s bill will be focusing only on the terminally ill.
"The other two categories, the severely disabled and the elderly with medical problems, should be equally well discussed nowadays, especially with an ageing population.”
The number of dementia victims in the UK is set to rise to more than a million by 2021 – and 1.7 million by 2050.
Mr Irwin argues that elderly sufferers may prefer thousands of pounds that would be spent on their care to go to their grandchildren.
He said: “The desire to ‘stop being a burden’ on one’s family, and to avoid squandering financial resources perhaps better spent on grandchildren’s further education, could become the final altruistic gesture, especially when combined with a wish to stop prolonging a life that is both futile and very unpleasant.”
He claimed: “Part of what makes a patient’s suffering intolerable could be the realisation that it is ruining other people’s lives.
"Then, a doctor assisted suicide could be a rational moral act.”
But critics fear that if euthanasia was legalised there would be pressure to widen the category of people to be included.
A spokesman for Care Not Killing said: “It’s hugely alarming and shows the real agenda of those seeking a change in the law.
"What they are looking for is assisted suicide or euthanasia almost on demand.
“We’ve been warning about an incremental approach, as once you change the law you get more and more cases like this, which is why we are so worried.
“We know that people who are vulnerable, disabled and terminally ill will be most under pressure.”
More than 200 Brits have died at Dignitas since it first opened in 1998.
Broadcaster Melvyn Bragg has previously said he plans to kill himself if he begins to suffer from dementia.
The arts presenter, 73, whose mother had Alzheimer’s disease until her death last year aged 95, said: “Legal or illegal, I will do it.”
He added: “We can’t keep sending people to Switzerland. We should say, given certain conditions, it’s fine.”
£5k and all over in 30 minutes
The price of a suicide at Dignitas is believed to be around £5,000.
But the full service, including funerals, medical costs and official fees, can be as high as £7,000.
Clients must register as a member and send copies of their medical records with a letter explaining why things have become intolerable.
A doctor then assesses them. If he gives the “green light”, administrative staff will schedule a date and offer advice on hotels.
Finally the client is filmed drinking the lethal solution of barbiturates in water to prove they took it themselves.
Those who cannot lift a glass press a button so a machine administers it.
Most people take between 30 minutes and an hour to die.
Brits who've died at Dignitas
MORE than 200 Brits have died at Dignitas in the past decade.
One of the most controversial deaths was in 2006 when terminally ill Craig Ewert, 59, was filmed dying at the clinic for a television documentary.
The programme, which sparked fury from anti-euthanasia groups, was the first time a suicide had been shown on British TV.
Retired university professor Craig had motor neurone disease.
In February 2009, millionaire husband and wife Peter Duff, 80, and Penelope, 70, who both had terminal cancer, were the first British couple to die together at the centre.
Top orchestral conductor Sir Edward Downes, 85, and his 74-year-old wife Joan died at the clinic five months later.
Lady Downes had terminal cancer while her husband was nearly blind and becoming increasingly deaf.
Daniel James, 23, who was paralysed in a rugby accident, was the youngest Briton to die at the clinic.
His parents Julie and Mark James, of Sinton Green, Worcester, took him to there in 2010.
They said the ex-England under-16 rugby player had repeatedly said he wanted to die.
The CPS said it was not in the public interest to prosecute his parents.
No one who has helped any of the Brits to die at Dignitas has been prosecuted.
Suicide is not a crime but it is illegal to encourage or assist suicide while in England or Wales, regardless of where the suicide takes place.
The majority of clients at Dignitas take between 30 minutes and one hour to die.
Voice of the Mirror: Dignity is a right too
Assisted suicide is a deeply emotional and ethical issue which understandably creates strong feelings.
Our report on an 83-year-old with dementia who ended his life at the Swiss Dignitas clinic adds another dimension to the debate.
This paper believes both sides of the argument should be heard and respected.
Some campaigners will fear this case could lead to a relaxation of the rules and place pressure on the vulnerable who feel they are a burden on their family and loved ones.
Others will argue the laws should be changed so those who are dying and feel they have no quality of life do not have to travel to Switzerland to end their life in dignity.
Nor will they think it is right that those who assist in such deaths, out of compassion, should be liable to prosecution.
Lord Falconer, a former lord chancellor, is seeking to change the law to make assisted dying legal for the terminally ill.
Any such legislation must be sensitively crafted and we should consider carefully before extending such rights to people with long-term conditions such as dementia.
There is much debate to be had but it would be wrong to ignore the wishes of those who, in very rare cases, want to kill themselves.
Islamize Europe and get women out of politics. Feminism is the root if terrorism.
Mustard gas is the common name given to 1,1-thiobis(2-chloroethane), a chemical warfare agent that is believed to have first been used near Ypres in Flanders on 12th July 1917. Its chemical formula is Cl-CH2-CH2-S-CH2-CH2-Cl
Its other names include H, yprite, sulfur mustard and Kampstoff Lost, but the name mustard gas became more widely used, because the impure "agent quality" is said to have an odour similar to that of mustard, garlic or horseradish. When pure, it is in fact both odourless and colourless.
It was synthesised much earlier than its first reported use, by a man named Frederick Guthrie in 1860, who reacted ethylene with Cl2, and noticed the toxic effects it had on his own skin. The effects of mustard gas exposure include the reddening and blistering of skin, and, if inhaled, will also cause blistering to the lining of the lungs, causing chronic impairment, or at worst, death. Exposure to high concentrations will attack the corneas of the eyes, eventually rendering the victim blind.
Any area of the body which is moist is particularly susceptible to attack by mustard gas, because although it is only slightly soluble in water, which makes it difficult to wash off, hydrolysis (the splitting of a compund by water) is rapid, and occurs freely.
It is important to note here that not only are mustard gas and hemi-mustard both vesicants (blister skin), but the hydrolysis reaction also produces three molecules of HCl, which in itself is a skin irritant.
Despite the ease of hydrolysis, mustard gas in its solid form has been found to last underground for up to ten years. This is because, in an environment where the concentration of water is relatively low, the reaction pathway is able to proceed once, thiodiglycol is formed using most of the water available at the solid surface, but then the sulfonium intermediate reacts with this instead of another molecule of water, as the concentration of water molecules at the bulk surface is now lower than the concentration of thiodiglycol. This produces stable, non-reactive sulfonium salts, which form a protective layer around the bulk material, and therefore prevent further reaction.
Mustard gas is a paticularly deadly and dehabilitating poison, but its real danger when it was first used in WW1, compared to other chemical warfare agents at the time, was the fact that it could penetrate all protective materials and masks that they had available at the time. In more recent years, urethane was discovered to be resistant to mustard gas, and also to have the advantages of being tough, resistant to cut growth, and to be stable at a wide range of temperatures.
One of the reasons that exposure to mustard gas must be prevented, rather than cured, is that detoxification is quite difficult due to its insolublity, and that the effects of mustard gas are devastating - essentially if the inhalation of the mustard gas itself does not kill you, it is very likely to cause cancer later in life. During WW1, doctors were fairly helpless for treating victims, as the only means of detoxification was by oxidation with hypochlorite bleaches - NaOCl- and (CaCOCl-)2 (a super-chlorinated bleach) were most commonly used.
Detoxification is no longer such a problem, as there are several methods developed in recent years which are quite efficient. Both sulphur amines (sulphur dissolved in amines) and magnesium monoperoxyphthalate have been found to quite good decontaminants, but, the best method is the use of peroxy acids (RCOOH, where R=C7H15, C9H19, C11H23, C13H27 ), as they react within a few seconds, and this rate of reaction can be enhanced further by use of a catalyst.
Mustard Gas as an Anti-Cancer Agent
Mustard gas has always been seen as a particularly nasty poison, resulting in a painful and often slow death, and, ironically, whilst it causes cancer, it has also been used to help cure it. It was in 1919, not long after the first usage of mustard gas, that it was noted that victims had a low blood cell count, because the mustard gas attacked white blood cells, and bone marrow aplasia (breakdown).
Research then began in 1946 to show that nitrogen mustards (differing only from mustard gas due to the presence of a nitrogen atom, not a sulphur atom) reduced tumor growth in mice, via a mechanism whereby 2 strands of DNA are linked by a molecule of nitrogen mustard.
It had already been shown that the sensitivity of the bone marrow of mice to mustard gas is similar to that of humans, and therefore resarch lead to clinical trials, and nitrogen mustards became part of modern chemotherapy treatment, being mainly used as a cure for cancer of the lmyph glands - Hodgkin's Disease.
95 percent of the victims of violence are men. Because women feel flattered when men fight each other and kill each other to prove that they are real men.
To those whose delicate sensitivities were likely to be upset at the sight of spouting blood or severed limbs, this method of execution proved to be ideal. At best the victim, while dying, was completely hidden from view; at worst, where the victim was buried up to the neck, at least only the head was visible, death being apparent when finally the eyes closed and silence reigned.
Although in Saxon times some barons disposed of their criminals by forcing them into a crucet house, a short, narrow chest, the spikes with which it was lined bringing about a slow and agonising death, burying alive never really caught on in England, only one case being reported in the ancient annals. That occurred in 1222:
A similar device to the Saxon crucet house was employed in France, and was known as the chambre á crucer. This was a chest, also studded with spikes or containing sharp stones, into which the victim was crammed and then buried alive.
Sometimes the chest was dispensed with, as in 1460 when a Frenchwoman, condemned for theft, was sentenced to be buried alive before the gallows. And the Duc de Soissons, on discovering that a manservant of his had had the temerity to tarry one of the maids without first obtaining the ducal permission, had them both buried alive in the grounds of his estate.
Earlier, in the thirteenth century, during the war against the Albigenses, the sister of the governor of Le Voeur was lowered into a pit, which was then filled up with boulders.
In Germany duels, with clubs as weapons, took place between men and women, much thought having first been given to equalise the obvious discrepancies between the sexes, the man, one hand tied behind his back, was armed with three clubs but had to stand up to his waist in a large hole in the arena. The woman, at liberty to move where she wished, had three stones, each swathed in cloths.
The rules of the contest were listed in a book written by H.C. Lea in 1892: each of the adversaries would proceed to strike the other as opportunity presented itself, but should the man, either in order to maintain his balance or to recover from a blow, touch the ground with his hand or arm, he would forfeit a club. Should the woman hit him with a stone after he had lost all his clubs, she would lose one of her stones. If, during the combat, she managed to render the man unconscious, he would be executed. But should he, despite her elusiveness, be able to club her into insensibility, she would be declared the loser, and would be buried alive.
Dutch women also suffered similar deaths, not by contests but at the hands of the Spanish, when that nation ruled The Netherlands. One, Ann Ven der Hoor, of the town of Malines, refused to embrace Roman Catholicism and was buried alive, only her head being left exposed. A final choice being given, she refused to abjure her faith, and so the executioner covered her head with earth, then stamped on her until she expired.
Switzerland, too, disposed of some of its unfortunates by burial, preferring, however, to entomb them within walls or cellars of buildings, a method adopted by the Ancient Persians, whose condemned criminals were imprisoned inside the double walls of houses adjoining the main roads in the cities. To increase their torment they were bound hand and foot, thereby making it impossible for them to reach the gifts of food and water pushed through crevices in the walls by sympathetic passers-by.
In India the practice of burying female offenders alive was associated with chastity – or rather the loss of it. Sir Thomas Roe, visiting the court of the Great Mogul in Bengal in 1614, reported that a woman, discovered to be involved in an intrigue with a lover, was placed upright in a hole containing a stake to which her feet were bound. The earth was rammed round her legs and body up to the armpits and she was kept in this position for three days and two nights without food or water. Her head was uncovered, ensuring that she was fully exposed to the heat of the tropical sun. Had she survived the ordeal, a pardon would have been granted, but the privations were too overwhelming, and she died shortly afterwards.
The price of unchastity was also high in the days of the Romans. Vestal Virgins who yielded to temptation and so lost their qualifications and honoured places in the temple were, promulgated in 451 bc in the Decemviri of the Twelve Tables, forthwith entombed in a small cave or buried alive in the ground, wearing only a single garment.
One Virgin was thus buried because, on seeing a wedding, she murmured wistfully: ‘Felices nuptae! Moriar ni nubere dulce est.’ (‘Hail, happy bride! I wish I were dead, or married!’) The former of her wishes was swiftly granted.
Further east, the wind-blown sands all but obliterate the old caravan route which leads from Karakorum, once the capital city of Genghis Khan, traverses the Gobi Desert via the Mongolian towns of Bayan Tumen and Baruun Urta, and ends at Peking (now Beijing). The route is lined with small mounds, each the trial place of those who, in the sixteenth century, sought to ambush and rob the rich merchants of their spices and ivory, their silver and jewels.
Many expeditions were led against the wily raiding parties, but few of their members were captured, and it became obvious that stern deterrents were required. As in London at that time, where the practice of exhibiting the heads of wrongdoers on London Bridge warned of dire retribution, so the authorities in Mongolia bethought themselves of the qualities of the soil of their region which, when mixed with straw and water, solidified into a form of cement.
Accordingly, captured bandits were buried alive at intervals alongside the caravan route, in holes filled with the mixture, their visible heads functioning both as signposts for the merchants and ‘Keep Off’ signs for any would-be marauder.
If you are still invested in the real estate of European cities, get out! A terrorist attack with chemical weapons will happen. Even if it doesn't kill many people, it will drive prices down. Accross the continent.
Looking back on it now, they can understand the fuss. Who, after all, would plan a such a peerlessly inappropriate fundraiser? A ‘ladies’ night’ in Llanelli complete with drag queen and near naked waiters in order to send their own mother to Dignitas, the Swiss euthanasia clinic?
The public was bemused, the police were called and the event duly cancelled.
‘We felt quite stupid,’ admits Tara O’Reilly, who organised the party with her sister Rose Baker. ‘We were told we were breaking the law – encouraging suicide. But we weren’t thinking about any of that. We were just desperate.’ And with good reason. Their mother Jackie Baker, diagnosed with motor neurone disease, was declining fast. Months of agonising pain and uncertainty lay before them. Today, though, that terror has completely gone. For all the kerfuffle of the failed party and despite the months of misery that followed, the sisters feel only relief.
Three weeks ago, in a faceless trading estate on the outskirts of Zurich, their 59-year-old mother clicked a button with her toe and passed away, killed by a powerful cocktail of barbiturates, as she had wished.
And at last Rose and Tara are free to tell a story that will touch everyone who reads it – about the fear of the diagnosis, the turmoil of hearing their mother ask for Dignitas, and about their passionate belief in new laws to support assisted dying.
Jackie, who had lived close to her daughters in Morriston, a former tinplate and copper town near Swansea, had been a keen amateur photographer and musician. All that changed with the diagnosis back in February. Jackie’s own mother had died of the condition, so the three of them knew exactly what to expect.
A week later, Tara, 40, caught Jackie looking up ways to commit suicide on the internet. ‘I told her she was being ridiculous,’ Tara says. ‘Then she said she wanted to go to Dignitas. I had no idea what she was talking about.
‘I just thought, here we go, it’s one of Mum’s hippy trippy things. She said it would cost £8,000. She didn’t have a bean to her name. We didn’t realise it was even an option, like a dog being taken to be put down, really.’
Her sister Rose, 29, who works in a call centre, continues: ‘I hoped it was just a phase. It was so stressful that I had to stop working. How could I answer people’s questions about faults with their televisions when Mum was talking about killing herself?’
To raise the money, Tara, a hairdresser, decided on the £15-per-head ladies’ night, which soon came to the attention of the media – and the police. Two officers visited Tara at her salon after receiving a complaint from Care Not Killing, a group which opposes euthanasia and assisted dying.
They warned her that if the party went ahead, Tara and her guests could be prosecuted.
The event was cancelled – yet the publicity was what saved the family. Donations from total strangers poured in. One woman gave £2,000. Two Swiss bankers got in touch and offered to let the family stay at their house in Switzerland. Dignitas informed Tara that they offered a reduced rate for those in financial difficulty.
Earlier this month, Tara and Rose accompanied their mother on the gruelling 18-hour trip to Zurich and watched as she administered the fatal dose of drugs.
In September, Parliament rejected plans to enshrine the right to die in law in England and Wales, with 118 MPs voting in favour and 330 against.
Despite this, Tara and Rose are in no doubt when it comes to their own beliefs. ‘Our mother should have had an injection in her own home two months ago,’ says Tara.
‘But instead she had to travel for 18 hours in complete agony, sitting in her own urine. There’s a need for assisted dying and for the law to change. Our mum is proof of that.’
More than 160 Britons have taken their own lives at Dignitas in the past six years.
She could have had another year in pain,’ Tara continues. ‘It would have been selfish for us to keep her here. ‘When we actually got to Switzerland, there was a calmness. We knew we were doing the right thing.’
Not that it was in any way easy. Indeed, as this searingly honest and at times disturbing diary of their mother’s final journey makes clear, there can be no doubt at all of the desperation and the sheer humanity that drove them into the arms of Dignitas.
Getting the green light
October 25, 2015
Tara: The email giving us a provisional green light came from Dignitas today. I was at the salon and then had to cut some poor woman’s hair.
I did think, ‘Thank God’, but there was a crushing feeling too. This is it. It’s all been a rush and now we’re going in ten days. Mum’s eyes lit up when I told her. She said she was over the moon. She can’t wait to go. I feel relief. She’s so ill and in so much pain. Every movement is like a knife going through her.
But it’s heartbreaking, too. I was just thinking about Christmas and how we’ll all be together as usual. But then I had the most gut-wrenching feeling because Mum won’t be here, will she? We’ll never have another Christmas with her.
Rose: Mum’s GP said she was too ill to fly. Part of me desperately wants Mum to change her mind but I know she never will. I said she could get the train but that it would be a long and painful journey. She doesn’t care. She just wants to go.
The last journey
Tara: I’ve been playing Mum’s last moments over in my mind. I keep having visions of what her last words will be. I want them to be heartfelt but she has become so detached from us lately. I’ve been knocking myself out every night with a bottle of wine. I’ve been absolutely dreading today but now it’s here I feel strangely relieved and calm.
This morning Rose and I woke up at 3.30am to start the journey to Switzerland. When we got to Mum’s nursing home she was beaming, ready to go. There were no staff around. They’ve been warned not to get involved. We got a taxi to London at 4.30am. It was tough seeing her in the back in this huge wheelchair.
The driver was useless. He didn’t know the way and we missed the Eurostar. When we got to the station Mum was in such pain and kept crying out. One of the Eurostar managers told me he didn’t think she could travel. I’ve never felt so desperate until that moment. ‘We have to get on that train. We have to get to Switzerland,’ I told him. He knew what I meant. It was pretty clear by our distraught faces that we didn’t just want to do away with our mother.
He went to speak to someone higher up, came back and put us all on to the next train in first class. ‘I didn’t realise, good luck to you all and God bless,’ he said.
Rose: In Paris we missed the next train but managed to get on to a later one. We got to Zurich at about 11pm, 18 hours after we had set off.
The final countdown November 3
Tara: We went to see our Dignitas-assigned doctor at 8.30am in a Zurich clinic. This was not the place where you go to die. It looked more like a Botox clinic.
Everyone who goes to Dignitas must have two appointments, each on a different day. There was no ramp and the lift wasn’t fit for Mum’s wheelchair, so she was seen in a little corridor. The doctor was German and very matter-of-fact.
‘You want to die, Jackie?’ she asked Mum. She asked a few times. Mum just said, ‘Yes’ with no emotion.
Tonight is the happiest I’ve seen her since her diagnosis. She had Bob Marley on and was bobbing her head to the beat. She had her Complan food and her morphine. We had wine and pizza. She told me not to drink any more and to go to bed. She seemed scared that we wouldn’t get it right. She’s vulnerable and has put all of her trust in us.
Rose: It’s been a sad day, but we’ve tried to make the most of it. There have been lots of genuine I love yous and thank yous.
Mum’s last day November 4
Tara: It’s a lovely sunny day. Mum was going to wear her purple and yellow tie-dye dress, but decided on her more comfortable pyjamas because she’s ‘going to sleep’.
We got to Dignitas at about 9.30am, after seeing the same German doctor who again asked if she wanted to die. Now the taxi took us to an industrial estate. There were a few other units and a burger place next door.
They didn’t broadcast themselves. There was no sign: ‘Here’s Dignitas, drop-in only.’ We were struck by how down at heel it all looked. We were met by two of the clinic’s workers. The man must have been close to 80, he had a pierced ear and a pipe.
We walked straight into the room. It was like walking into somebody’s house. There was a hospital bed, an antique-looking dining table and chairs, an old stained rug, an old sofa and a painting that your nan might have had. There was a little window that looked out to the garden. There was no equipment. They brought that in afterwards.
Rose: I was trying desperately not to cry. But when we first got into the room, Mum said: ‘Thanks for getting me here.’ That started us both off. She said: ‘Don’t cry.’ There was no emotion to it.
We helped her into the bed with a hoist. They held a form up to her so she could sign it using a marker pen in her mouth. She gagged a bit.
Tara: I didn’t like watching that. It felt so final. It didn’t seem professional. The Dignitas lady was very happy. She offered us coffee before going over to Mum and taking her hand. ‘Jackie, do you want to die today?’ she said in a sing-song voice. Mum just said: ‘Yes.’ The woman added: ‘You’ll be out of your misery soon and in a better place.’ She told us Mum would go into a deep sleep and then a coma before her brain and all of her organs failed. I thought, bloody hell. It was so matter-of-fact.
Mum had to use her foot to push the button to release the poison. Nothing seemed modern or up to date. There was a big syringe that went into a little machine which was attached to a tube in Mum’s stomach.
Rose: We took a last selfie and then Mum was given an anti-sickness solution. It took 20 minutes to take effect. You couldn’t say goodbye properly. We just sat there not knowing what to do.
Tara: After 20 minutes they asked Mum if she wanted to say anything, but she didn’t even say goodbye. We said we loved her and were going to miss her. It wasn’t Mum at that point. She’d already gone. They told us not to touch any of the machines because we could get into trouble. They filmed the next bit. They said: ‘Jackie, when you’re ready, push the button.’ Mum did it straight away.
Rose: It didn’t take long, minutes really. She just stared through us and then went into a deep sleep and stopped breathing. Then she did a little snore, which made us laugh and cry at the same time. It was so Mum. We watched the blood drain from her face. We watched her take her last breath. It was peaceful really. We both kissed Mum goodbye for the last time and walked out into the winter sunshine. It was so hard to leave her there.
We went to a hotel and got drunk. I had flashes of her face at the end for the rest of the day. Neither of us had seen a dead body before.
The Aftermath November 5
Tara: We both felt absolutely lost. We’ve been pushing Mum’s empty wheelchair around like lost souls with people staring. It’s horrible, heartbreaking.
Mum wanted to be cremated. Dignitas have organised all of that. We flew back to Britain in silence.
There’s every chance that one of us or even both of us could get motor neurone disease. It’s in the family.
Mum was told there was a five per cent chance of her getting it. After seeing what it does, it is terrifying. I think about it every day. I’ve got a lump in my left hand and my first thought was it’s MND. I’m not sure if I could go to Dignitas or ask anyone to come and watch me die.
Rose: Why is agony acceptable but ending your life and your suffering is not? It was Mum’s choice, not ours. It has been a nice ending for her, in a way. Yes, it’s terribly sad and we’re both devastated, but we also feel a sense of relief that she got her happy ending.
Feminist women are the principal enemy of male sexual pleasure. The best strategy against feminism is to let droves of Arab men migrate to Europe.
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